Journey through myself...

Or should I say, journey in spite of myself ?

Is there anything to say about me, anyway ? Facts would be too simplistic. Generalities would make me look like any other person. But who knows ? I might be like any other person. And then, what ? What are we but a group of people living together, trying to integrate, despite what we can possibly say from time to time... Desperately trying to integrate. We may be willing outsiders, eager outcasts. And still, one day, the sad truth is inevitably catching up with you...

Yes, you, as any other living creature needs integrate. And, in the end, we just have to deal with it...

Feel the loneliness pervading you and accepting it. Sometimes even accepting that this is all your fault... Being abandoned, yeah, O.K. You can say, all you want, that the others are guilty, that you have nothing to do with all this suffering and pain of yours that you can't stop. And yet... Accept the fact that you are guilty. Live up to your, o so painful loneliness. Accept the fact that you are not alone. Everybody feels the same. Lonely, but certainly not alone...

And as everybody else, you are going to die. Even worse, I'll tell you what... Others are gonna die. We are all the same. And as anybody else you are going to regret the loss of the people that are today on this very sneaky verge, and then what... ? What can you change about that ? The moment is today, the moment is yours. You are going to die lonely, not alone, but lonely, as anybody else. Forgive and forget while it is still time to. Or you will become, if you are not already, bitter as hell. "The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone." [Harriet Beecher Stowe]

That, actually, is the story of my life... A very ordinary life. Everybody's life. But, of course, mine is far greater than any other. And that is the tragedy. I cannot afford to lose any single element that is part of it. Or I will die miserable. Which seems even worse.

I may be lonely but my inner self keeps telling me: "Don't give yourself up to their fangs" My two inner selves are constantly struggling over the very tricky issue of: Should I mix, or should I stay away. I took the other path. I chose not to decide. And people don't like it ? Holy crap, that is totally their issue.

I don't mind anymore. I have to pledge to myself: I don't mind anymore. I don't mind anymore...

"Life is a long lesson in humility"... [James M. Barrie] I am not alone...

I am not alone...