Introduction (Part 1)

Ok, I probably should introduce myself to you... I think this is a very difficult task... How can I sum myself up in such small space ?

My first name is Katia. My middle names are Sylviane, Michèle and Inhi... Of course, I'm French. I was born in South Korea, though. A wonderful chance, of course.

My father, Thierry had gone there to escape military service for two years. He already was a schoolmaster (he became a teacher at 21 y.o.) and taught there at the Ecole française to little pupils (of around 10). My mother, Pascale, also known as Kinou, was studying, and she had to give it all up to follow him. They met when my mother was in sixth grade, she was 11 and my father was 13. They didn't fall in love at once, or at least, my mother didn't. She was more of a brilliant, poetic, dreamy and, what's more, absolutely beautiful daughter of one of the teachers working where they were going to class back then. My father was not really liked by the other children, because he had no money (his father was a worker at the factory nearby and his mother a nurse in that school) and acted sometimes in very strange ways. Later on, his real gifts at football, or soccer, whatever, would trigger off the respect of all the youth of the town he was living in. My mother was not impressed by soccer. But then, she saw him play guitar... And that was it. She started going out with him, when he left for highschool (equivalent of 10th grade in the US: educational system very different in France). It went on then...

They lived in the East of France, in a town called Vesoul. Neither one was born there. My mother was born a little further North (in Montbeliard) and my father a little further South (in Annecy). But my father came back to Vesoul as a child because that is where his father really came from, and my mother landed there by chance. Her parents were Spanish immigrants from Algeria. Anyway, they ended up marrying after a small speration of one year or two. My father was 22 and my mother 20 in the spring of 1987.

That's all for today folks...

Proust Questionnaire

At the end of the nineteenth century, when Proust was still in his teens, he discovered a questionnaire in an English-language album belonging to his friend Antoinette, daughter of future President Felix Faure, entitled "An Album to Record Thoughts, Feelings, etc." At that time, it was a fad among wealthy English families to answer such a list of questions that revealed the tastes and aspirations of the taker.

And here are my answers...

Your favorite virtue: Diligence
Favorite qualities in a man: Wit and humility
Favorite qualities in a woman: Grace and smartness
Your chief characteristic: Nervous
What you appreciate the most in your friends: They enlightened my life with laughs and intelligent deep thoughts and discussions
Your main fault: Self-pity
Your favorite occupation: Listening to music
Your idea of happiness: O so reachable, but O so not wanted, certainly not exclusive, certainly universal
Your idea of misery: O so reachable, O so universally needed, exclusive to the Western world
If not yourself, who would you be? : Hillary Clinton
Where would you like to live? : New York, NY, USA
Your favourite colour and flower: Purple and poppies
Your favorite prose authors: Virginia Woolf and J.K. Rowling
Your favourite poets: William Shakespeare and Alfred de Musset
Your favourite heroes in fiction: Harry Potter and Mary Poppins
Your favourite painters and composers: Vincent Van Gogh and Frederic Chopin
Your heroes in real life: Martin Luther King Jr and Marilyn Monroe
What characters of History do you most dislike? : Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin
Your favourite food and drink: Chinese food and lemonade
Your favourite names: Quentin, James / Lily, Lila
What I hate the most: Being disillusioned
The military event I admire the most : I don't admire military events
The reform I admire the most: Civil Rights
The natural talent I would like to be gifted with: Drawing
How I wish to die: Suddenly
What is your present state of mind? : Melancholy
For what fault have you most toleration? : Jealousy
Your favourite motto: Live up to your expectations.


If the human mind was as simple as that to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it...

One thing I know about me: If "The cornerstone of all virtue is self-respect" [John Herschel], then I'm definitely not virtuous...

I am not virtuous...

Journey through myself...

Or should I say, journey in spite of myself ?

Is there anything to say about me, anyway ? Facts would be too simplistic. Generalities would make me look like any other person. But who knows ? I might be like any other person. And then, what ? What are we but a group of people living together, trying to integrate, despite what we can possibly say from time to time... Desperately trying to integrate. We may be willing outsiders, eager outcasts. And still, one day, the sad truth is inevitably catching up with you...

Yes, you, as any other living creature needs integrate. And, in the end, we just have to deal with it...

Feel the loneliness pervading you and accepting it. Sometimes even accepting that this is all your fault... Being abandoned, yeah, O.K. You can say, all you want, that the others are guilty, that you have nothing to do with all this suffering and pain of yours that you can't stop. And yet... Accept the fact that you are guilty. Live up to your, o so painful loneliness. Accept the fact that you are not alone. Everybody feels the same. Lonely, but certainly not alone...

And as everybody else, you are going to die. Even worse, I'll tell you what... Others are gonna die. We are all the same. And as anybody else you are going to regret the loss of the people that are today on this very sneaky verge, and then what... ? What can you change about that ? The moment is today, the moment is yours. You are going to die lonely, not alone, but lonely, as anybody else. Forgive and forget while it is still time to. Or you will become, if you are not already, bitter as hell. "The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone." [Harriet Beecher Stowe]

That, actually, is the story of my life... A very ordinary life. Everybody's life. But, of course, mine is far greater than any other. And that is the tragedy. I cannot afford to lose any single element that is part of it. Or I will die miserable. Which seems even worse.

I may be lonely but my inner self keeps telling me: "Don't give yourself up to their fangs" My two inner selves are constantly struggling over the very tricky issue of: Should I mix, or should I stay away. I took the other path. I chose not to decide. And people don't like it ? Holy crap, that is totally their issue.

I don't mind anymore. I have to pledge to myself: I don't mind anymore. I don't mind anymore...

"Life is a long lesson in humility"... [James M. Barrie] I am not alone...

I am not alone...